Thursday, 5 November 2009

Diving In!

A couple of weeks ago during a very bored moment, I found this blog on blogs of note. I don't often promote other people's blogs , but this one is different. As is, this particular post. You see over the last few weeks I have been reaching a special point in my life. It's not a special birthday, and nothing momentous has happened... it's just like, well autumn has arrived.

I tried very hard to hang on to the summer... for the last two years I have been hanging on to the summer, refusing to embrace my autumn and all that it brings. But now I feel ready to move on. Why now? I don't know. Perhaps it was the recent round of celebratory parties that involved numerous photographs - all of which really suprised me, I don't look like I used to. I have a double chin that wasn't there before. Curves and cushion-like bulges where I used to be smooth and taut.


I am tired of buying henna for my hair but afraid too of how old I will look without it. Every month I have to spend a day covering the grey roots - some of which are totally white. If I let it go back to nature, why, I will just be like all the other grey haired women. You know that typical short curled grey/white hairstyle that all older women seem to acquire. Where does that come from? It's like some hat you get when you reach a certain age - a grey cloak that marks you out as .... old.


I was always determined not to succomb to the 'forever young - you're worth it' culture... but when it comes to it - it's hard not to. And allowing nature to take it's course is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I went grey once before, but that was different, you see the hair was grey but the face was younger... now the face will match the hair.


I keep telling myself that our culture is wrong not to celebrate the coming of autumn years and the wisdom and experience that people at this age have to offer - and I do feel that, at last, I can offer some experience and wisdom that is my own - not gleaned from other people's writings - but I still 'feel' like I'm not ready to look old and it is making me unhappy.


And then I read Rima's post about the autumnal clock she has just made for a lady who is embracing the coming of her own personal autumn. And I thought perhaps it was time to dive in. It's no good just sticking the toes in the water like I have been doing for the last couple of years, that has only led to discontent and feelings of dissatisfaction. So here goes. I am not going to buy any more henna and perhaps its time to look for underwear that will fit my cushions comfortably.

3 comments:

  1. Some of the most beautiful women have grey hair.
    I have always loved that Jamie Lee Curtis lets hers go grey..
    welcome to Autumn...

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  2. Sweetheart - have you truly looked at the trees in autumn? They wear their most daring colors in their beautiful dancing gowns and draw attention by the pure brightness. Autumn is BEAUTIFUL and FREE! Do what you want, wear what you want, say what you want - and realize that you have finally reached a point that you can be free to do so. I LOVE MY AUTUMN and I think you will love your Autumn as well.

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  3. Too many people get hung up on things like grey and wrinkles and old. The blame lies solely at the feet of consumerism which repeatedly tells us we must be young trendy and etc to be anyone. Even the Just for men adverts recently have some kid telling their dad how old they look.

    Well I am about to turn 36 so no great age, but no spring chicken either. I have about half a dozen greys and wish there were far more! I have seen the future in the gene pool of my family and know that many wrinkles await me. So what.

    I will be forever young because I think forever young, the love of the silly and climbing on walls and jumping in puddles hasn't left me and never will. Hopefully neither will the waist length hair even when it is grey!

    The worst thing to me that women do is keep their hair cut short when they reach a certain age. If you accept the grey, go with long hair to buck the trend!

    Anyway the way your blog reads so far you seem similar to me in outlook and have a sense of humour. I haven't once sat here and thought 'oh this is a women who is this old' I have sat here and thought 'cool, chickens' or 'Fantastic, she likes steam punk.

    Be as graceful or as disgraceful as you want but be you!

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